'the' stain

Well, i would say that at least in my life, unconsciously, I'm building memories. Some of them, I can forget easily, some of them just stick in my head no matter how hard i try. Those that I forgot, most of the time are the things that are repetitive. But those that I remember are things, happenings, which torn my world apart or those that change my life completely, change the way I think from that moment on. Until, again at some point, after time goes by, after I grew up, after I had clear understanding of what's happening, after I convince myself to have a big heart and wake up to face the reality, then they are gonna be part of my past that I can laugh or cry on but yeah life goes on and they're just stains for me. Stains that remind me not to make another same stain.

I was talking about things and happenings earlier. But with other people, people who left and leave their footprints in my life, I would not easily disregard their significance no matter how insignificant are their actions. I believe people that I met and will meet are going to challenge my perspectives. Anyway the point that I am making is that I don't forget people easily.

But in the past 6 months of my life, I realized that there are people who have and are going to get rid of my significance in their life and replaced me with someone else. No big deal. Uhh. No its a big deal if it was done by people who left stains in my life. It's hard to understand but true I am not created for everybody a.k.a I cannot make everybody happy. I learned and probably this is the best situation for them and for me. But still things are not that easy. I cannot let everybody do that to me. and at this time there is one person that I actually do not want to say goodbye to before its too late. With madness, I would like to face this with big hope that soon things are changing. And if you still don't get it, and you don't try to explain it, after all what I can say is that I am sorry. Simply, some restrictions apply here that we cannot be honest towards each other.

I believe there are time and place and illusion that separates us, 2 different world that I can't see can walk hand in hand. and I am too weak to believe that someday I or you can resolves from all the differences. But for now... I really want to say that you've stained my heart... and it hurts to see you putting the distance though i believe that every sane human being would say that you are doing the right thing. and again I fail to forget things... due to the presence of standards and incompatibility that matrix my logic. and no matter how complex things are, contradiction, opposition, and insanity... my heart ever beats harder for you...